Alas, we meet again...

A few technical issues and other odd occurrences have arisen over the past few days and I am able to sit and catch up. I have surmised that the internet, maybe technology as a whole, hates me, and entertains itself by going to extreme lengths to belittle and enrage me. At least, that's how I see it. The other possibility is that I have been here too long, ingesting things my body can't cope with properly, and I'm on my way to senility a bit early.
Either way, it prevents me from sleeping, I think. At the risk of having a mental health professional meet me at the plane instead of my family, I wanted to give you a little taste, a morsel, of what happens inside my head every night when I close my eyes at the end of the day.

I have recurring dreams about:

1. My teeth falling out. I attribute this to the random bits of bone that accompany most meals. They look suspiciously dental in nature and I rigorously check my grill (teeth for the non-gangsters) for missing parts. None thus far, but the dreams get more and more traumatic.

2. Breaking bones. This is pretty routine and I'll attach it to the string of near misses I've had.

3. Eating stewed people heads. They were looking at me as I carved off a slice. Not so routine and a bit unnerving. I'll spare the graphic details, but I woke up in a cold sweat remembering the taste.

4. Watching a TV show...in real life. This one is harder to explain. If you can imagine watching a sitcom from inside the TV, like sitting on Seinfeld's couch instead of your own while you were watching it, something like that. That little episode raised questions as to what and how many pills I was taking when I called home after waking up at 3am. None.

5. Well.......I'm not going there. Needless to say, they are frequent and frustrating.

6. Probably the most interesting and the one likely to buy me a straight jacket and some tranquilizers was meeting my "Spiritual Guide". I know what you are thinking....who has the number to the in-patient ward....Let me delve into this one.
So after running through an amalgam of disambiguated scenes, I come to this....
Samuel L. Jackson sitting yoga style on a cloud (or mist, I wasn't sure). His eyes were closed, deep in thought, peaceful. Slowly, he looks at me, I can see his eyes focus and adjust to the light. He opens his mouth to speak, but the voice that comes out is not his, it is Bruce Lee's. I'm stunned. So I have Sam Jackson talking to me with Bruce Lee's voice. It's not like an overdub, it's natural. So he proceeds to tell me that he is my Spiritual Guide and he is laying a plan I am to follow...
"I want you to stay in the Army for 3 more years, you will go to Egypt and__"(I can't remember). He also proceeds to tell me to be good to people and a few other gems that escape me now. The only reason I remember the beginning is because (I think) I shot straight up out of bed and jotted it down. I found it on the floor when I woke up a few hours later.

So Bruce Jackson, Samuel L. Lee, whatever incarnate name you want to give him, visited me in my sleep and told me what the plan is.

What am I supposed to do with that?